So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
