by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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