So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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