I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
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That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
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Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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