It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
my being single is dangerous.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
