She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
