This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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