Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
