and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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