Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I think I just sharted jello shots
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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