Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
