At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
