but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
