Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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