Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
