i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
