are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
i drank out of a bidet.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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