i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Randomize
