Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
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