I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
A+ Viking dick
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
