whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
