im gay
i know
yea but for you.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
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as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
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This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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