smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
NoShamevember. You game?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
