So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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