i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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