My sheets look like a crime scene.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
