im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
