I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
