Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
pray to the hookup gods
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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