WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I'm drive I can fine osifer
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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