My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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