is wine microwaveable?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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