matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
