i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
