I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
