dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
