I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
smell my finger.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
