Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
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He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
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How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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