god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
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My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
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thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
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