While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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