either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
