you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I am one with the molecules
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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