i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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