drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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