well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
