All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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