Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
