just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
