Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
