Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
