I think I died a long time ago.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
