I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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