I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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