somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
