It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
