I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
