Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
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she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
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I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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