I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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