im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
ok first of all what the fuck
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
