Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
