He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
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Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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