so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
