Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
