I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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