True but thats because hes a fetus.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
