party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
