he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
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