Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
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