70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize