oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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