he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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