This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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